A report from the scene

by Chris Hutter

On April 18, the youth of the First Unitarian Church in Baltimore shocked everyone by waking up before noon on a Saturday. The six youth involved in the Coming of Age project and their mentors descended on Druid Hill Park in a flurry of Earth-loving, setting up chairs and tables for the EcoFest which would occur that afternoon. The bright, warm sunlight and beautiful blue sky seemed to have no effect on the teens, who found other ways to amuse themselves after their intial objective was complete. We also have a testimony from one insider source, whose identity must be hidden for security reasons.

"Yeah, it was horrible...at first I thought it was just the early morning shadows, but there they were. They were like zombies, roaming the paths of the park, and wherever they stayed, tables and chairs just popped up for no real reason. This would've been bad enough, except after they were done they split into pairs, just one teen with one mentor. It was almost like a pack mentality, where they split up to surround the prey...you could tell they were a pack, they all wore the same T-shirts. And then those poor brave souls at hipotle began to set up. They might have gotten away if they hadn't offered volunteers free tacos. Pretty soon, the teenagers had gorged themselves on Mexican food and had gone back to their lairs, and all that was left of the Chipotle stand was a few scraps of lettuce..." (Note: At this point, the witness broke down sobbing and muttering incoherently. The only distinguishable words were "All those scraps of taco shells...just lying everywhere! Oh L ord....")